Churn Butter Churn

File Number JCBC007

Issue #7

Update: Billy?s father, Andy lay naked, beaten, and unhappy in the street. The Jirafa Mafia truck was destroyed by the unwanted presence of witch in a large cage. Three men were able to escape the accident, but could only limp. Sylvia is still running through the sewers.

Billy, sobbing into his mashed potatoes now started to wonder if his condition was actually presenting him with a better way to make a living. He envisioned a life of adventure, traveling with the circus, entertaining the masses by licking his forehead, bleeding from his left shoulder and waving his potato hand to the meek little children. Billy was filled with hope and courage. He jumped out of his chair and into the jello-filled pool, made for him by his mother. He slept there for thirty seven minutes then went and took a shower. Billy got all dressed up, wearing his best lavender wool skirt and a fluorescent yellow tank-top that was knitted by his father. With the strong confidence displayed by most men when they are wearing their best wool skirt, Billy stormed out of the house, on his way to the circus to apply for a job. He figured he would have it easy, having a sister already employed by the circus. Billy got into his car, drove through the hills and licked his forehead all of the way. The people of the city began licking their own foreheads after seeing the joy that it gave Billy. Sylvia was running through the sewers. Her whole body was getting larger as the rotten sheep jerky in her belly began to breed bacteria with a combination of yeast. The result was a large belly and the slowing of poor Big Sylvia. Through sewers much can be heard. Big Sylvia listened for the footsteps of the headless giraffe she had seen or the woman who was covered by the pillow case. However no footsteps were heard and instead, Big Sylvia found an evil snowman sitting in the middle of the sewer chewing on the gums of a raw giraffe head. With her belly so large, she was not able to sneak by the snowman. When Buxtehude the snowman saw Sylvia, he was overcome with a passion unseen in modern and civilized snowmen. The snowmen of old were savages and would frequently rape the first moving object that they saw. Even so, Buxtehude had a similar reaction to Sylvia. He rolled down the sewer after her, holding a needle that he hoped would let the air out of her stomach. Big Sylvia, constantly getting bigger was slowing and she feared what might happen if the evil snowman was able to catch her. Andy, woke up in the middle of the street, felt the llama lips that were stapled to his own, and petted them firmly in happiness. He fell asleep again. Children from the neighborhood, still licking their foreheads, swarmed around the old man and petted his furry legs. Some unfortunate children were then beaten by mothers who remembered the true lesson of the World War I: Petting of the legs only leads to such undesirable qualities such as: A lack of foresight, irresponsibility, an easily broken heart, and five of the eight faults warned against by Dr. Strothers: 1.integrity 2.a loving heart 3.A lack of money 4. A habit of stealing little girls? marijuana 5. Overuse of the ?:?(colon) and the inability to focus on a single subject. Meanwhile, the three limping members of the Jirafa Mafia were approaching Billy?s home. They were all melancholy gentlemen, full of snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails. The snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails were also melancholy, not being natural snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails, but instead artificial creatures made from pudding, genetically engineered giraffe, and bastard remains. This gave the creatures low self-esteem and other desirable traits.

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